


Cherry Bomb

by Holladay Street (street)



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Lesbian Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:49:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21636901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/street/pseuds/Holladay%20Street
Summary: In which Emily confides, Kelley offers to lend a hand, and they both get more than they bargained for.
Relationships: Kelley O'Hara/Emily Sonnett
Comments: 110
Kudos: 225





	1. Six Weeks Ago

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this story belongs to the wonderful BeaSwann.

The fun times ended up on Instagram. The car trips, the coffeeshops, the jump scares. What didn't end up there were the quiet times. When they lay on separate beds for hours, too tired to do anything but watch TV. When they fell asleep on the bus, necks akimbo, rolling along the quiet interstates of the rust belt toward their next game. When they talked and shared silence and talked, nursing one beer apiece for hours. (Because what's a heart-to-heart without a little fortification? But also, what's pro soccer season without dietary guidelines?) 

Emily chose the second night of three that she was spending in Utah. Yesterday there'd been barely time for the teams to do more than grab lunch together before they were whisked to their respective practice fields. And today they'd drawn 2-2 in blistering-fast game (exactly what they both expected and relished - Emily spinning across the defensive third on Christen's heels, Kelley rising triumphant and grass-stained every time she shut down Midge or Hayley.) And tomorrow Sinc and Broon had organized a group hike, and most of the Thorns had elected to stick around - spend their free day exploring Utah before heading home. 

So now, in the second night of three, Emily gripped her beer bottle tight and stretched her legs across the tiny balcony of Kelley's apartment and she took a deep breath. She gazed at the twinkle of dusk-time Salt Lake City and the great stark slice of mountains beyond before turning to look at Kelley's profile.

Kelley was quiet, maybe lost in thought, they'd been talking about endorsement deals before the conversation had trickled off into comfortable silence.

"Hey Kelley, can I tell you something?"

Kelley glanced up, a little sharp. Something in Emily's tone must have given away that she was nervous.

"Always, Em."

"I'm, um . . . fuck, this is . . . um . . . "

Kelley's gaze had slid to their hands, their beers. It was as if she was leaving a little extra room for Emily to get whatever it was off her chest. Emily took a deep breath, held it for a second before letting it gust out, and tried again.

"I'm gay."

It floated there, in the still-cooling evening air. Quiet and stark. A fact.

Kelley gave the smallest "Mm", and one corner of her mouth was quirked up when Emily finally glanced over.

There was another beat of silence. Maybe Kelley waiting for Emily to spill her guts. Waiting for a torrent of words about this, the way Emily always had words about footy or music or dogs. But so much felt bound up in those words in particular, Emily wasn't sure how to start.

"Thank you for telling me." Kelley said finally, reaching over to clink bottles - a tiny cheers. "Tell me more?"

"More, like, how I know? Or, like, what it's like? I mean . . . you know what it's like."

"It seems sort of different for everybody." Kelley says, still quiet.

"It's . . . I've known for a long time.” Emily took a swig and a long breath before continuing. “I think I knew when I was a teenager - or at least, I was pretty fixated on Kristen Stewart in Twilight. And then when she did that Joan Jett movie, playing guitar and singing _Cherry Bomb_ I just . . . uh, yeah. And I figured it out for sure sometime in college. I started dating jocks after that - to make sure it didn't show, I guess?"

Emily took another long sip, lifting up her bottle in the fading light to see how much was left, before continuing.

"So, I mean, it's not like I haven't . . . with guys. I never have with a girl though. So I guess I don't know for sure."

"You can know for sure." Kelley sounded so certain, Emily felt startled for a second before the other woman’s conviction soaked through her - warm and calming.

"How's it been since college?" Kelley asked.

"That's sort of why I wanted to come out to you. It's . . . I've mostly just avoided it. _All_ of it. Relationships and sex and . . . all of it. I sort of just did soccer instead."

Kelley gave a soft "Mm?" when it sounded like Emily might have run out of steam.

"They want me to be this good southern girl when I'm home" Emily continued, working the label off her bottle with a careful thumbnail. "It's like, I can be the jock girl who cleans up pretty, or the straight married jock girl who cleans up pretty. I have no idea what it would be like to take a girlfriend home. . . . they'd never say anything to my face, but it just saturates _everything._ I can't even explain it."

"Every single rule is totally firm and totally unspoken. I know." Kelley said.

"Yeah. That." Emily gave up on the label and ripped a section off fast, leaving a white slash of sticky paper behind.

"Emily," Kelley didn't touch her, but the focus in her voice felt almost the same as if she'd laid a hand on Emily's arm. "There's _nothing_ wrong with you. You know that, right?"

"I know." Emily sounded small, almost sullen.

"And you don't owe it to them to be a certain way just because of where you grew up."

"I know, but . . ." Emily trailed off for a minute before asking "How do you do it?"

"I mean, it was hard." Kelley said readily. "I brought a girl home for the first time a couple years after college, and it's _still_ hard now. Or, it's weird at least."

Emily nodded.

"I waited" Kelley continued, "I didn't come out to them until I had someone to bring home. I felt like just dropping the abstract concept probably wouldn't land too well."

"How'd that go?" Emily asked. She was rolling the torn strip of beer label now - the printing coming off on her fingers in messy flakes.

"I think it was a good move. It helped them, I mean. Seeing us holding hands, and me getting her coffee, and her lending me her jacket like any other couple. It didn't end up helping me much - she was a trooper while we were there, but after . . . " Kelley trailed off, but from the tone of her voice Emily could sense it hadn't ended well.

"I'm worried about that too." Emily said. "It's a . . . a heavy thing to bring a partner into. If they don't know it already."

"Yeah." Kelley agreed. "A partner? Is that what you're looking for?"

"Dude," Emily laughed, "you're the first person I've officially come out to. That is _so_ jumping the gun."

She tore off another strip of label - careful this time - and rolled it into a tight coil.

"I think I do want a partner, though. Eventually." Emily said after another minute. "Like, I have no idea what I have to offer. I have no . . . no points of reference. But I want that security, that team-mate for life stuff. I was raised around a lot of strong marriages. I guess some of that culture rubs off.” She pinched the tiny roll flat. “And I sure don't want it with a boy."

"Mm" was all that Kelley said. 

The silence stretched. It was full dark now, the city lights and the stars mirroring each other with the mountains a solid dark band in between.

"You weren't surprised." Emily said after a few minutes.

"I mean," Kelley replied, "I guess I’m _kind o_ f surprised you've kept it in your pants this whole time."

"Don't" Emily elbowed her. "Ugh, of _course_ you would go right for the sex."

"No, you're right." Kelley said. "I get the Georgia thing. Sorry, I shouldn't have teased you. It's just . . . I'm kind of surprised you haven't gotten curious. Or, impatient maybe?"

"I've been curious for a fucking decade, Kelley. Have some mercy here."

"Okay, okay." Kelley subsided, laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited to be posting a new story! I've been working on this for about a month, and I've been really looking forward to sharing it with you. 
> 
> As usual, mind the tags and rating (is there smut? It's me - of _course_ there's smut), but the overall tone of this verse is more about connection, support, and lots and lots of communication. Like with [MKSR-verse](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20574074/chapters/48842063), Emily's figuring some stuff out and Soft!Kelley's there every step of the way.
> 
> Most of this story is in draft, but my writing energy fluctuates so I don't have a struct posting schedule.


	2. Today (part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're jumping forward in the timeline here. 
> 
> I'm planning to post chapters alternating between their conversations in the lead-up to their time together, and them *ahem* doing things. That way the smut can be a breather from the heavier processing, and the convos can break up the smut.

They hadn't taken anything off yet. They weren't even in her bedroom. But Emily wasn't sure she'd ever felt more exposed.

"Seriously Kells, we don't have to do this. You've already done so much for me . . ." Emily pulled a couch cushion onto her lap, digging her fingernails into the fabric until she felt at least a little anchored.

"Mm," Kelley said from the kitchen. "Want water or gatorade? LaCroix? Or, um, this looks like coldbrew?"

"Gatorade would be nice - I'm still sort of coming down from the game." Emily replied. "I should be asking you that though. You don't have to host at my place."

Kelley plopped down beside her on the couch. "That's ok. Like you said, you're recovering from the game."

Kelley had flown in this morning to watch them play Chicago. She didn't really need the excuse, still it didn't hurt. Emily had a fair idea of what they were about to do, but she liked feeling like Kelley'd had a reason besides her to come to Portland. There was enough weight on this, without Kelley making a special trip.

Kelley took Emily's hand. She was sitting close - as close as she'd been on the balcony in Salt Lake.

"Em," she said, careful and measured, "I need to tell you something. I know I phrased this whole thing as doing you a favor, but . . . " she shifted her a little - Emily could tell she was searching for the right words. ". . . I am _so_ fond of you. Like, so _so_ extremely fond. I've been trying to keep this platonic, or, as platonic as friends talking about having sex _can_ be, I guess. Like, I know I'm just out of a relationship and, well, I might be a little messy right now and not know it, ya'know? And I get that this is all new for you - the last thing I want to do is make you feel pressrued."

Kelley shifted again. Emily could tell she wasn't finished. Emily had 85% of a very solid hunch where this was going, but assuming she was right felt like tempting fate somehow. Finally, Kelley took a breath and started again.

"The whole 'doing you a favor' thing wasn't very honest of me. And it's totally, like, not fair to you. The thing is, Emily, this means a lot to me. All the trust you've put in me, coming out, and all the talking about this . . . you're really precious to me. What I'm trying to say is, _this_ is the place in the world I most want to be right now - doing _this_ , with _you_."

"Oh." was all Emily could reply for a minute. Finally she followed up with "Well, damn!" and suddenly they were laughing together.

"I guess that works out ok, then." Emily finally said.

"Yeah, it really, really does." Kelley agreed. She started playing her fingers through Emily's, studying Emily's hands as if learning something entirely new.

Talk stalled for a few minutes after that. Emily was soaking in the feel of Kelley's hands in hers - discovering how those strong, slight hands and square-tipped fingers really felt. The muscle at the base of Kelley's thumb was meaty and solid, and Emily could see the tendons play under the freckles on the backs of her hands. She found a pleasing little row of lifting callouses at the edge of Kelley's palm, but otherwise everything was smooth and warm. Kelley's hands were different from every other person whose hands she'd held with intent before - the soft, large hands of the guy from Phi Alpha Delta, the callused hands of the awkward ag student back from summer on his parents' farm.

It was odd being right, Emily thought. Or, odd being right about this. She'd suspected Kelley had feelings for her for a while, but she'd kept the information in the back corner of her mind, stored with the other things she tried not to think about. (More and more, thoughts from that corner had been slipping out into the light since she'd decided to come out to Kelley.) Emily'd had supportive friends before. She'd had patient listeners and gotten good advice when she'd tried to figure out her AP course load in high school, after her keeper had criticized her in front of her college team, while she decided wether to play off-season for the W-league. None of those had felt like talking to Kelley. There was something tender - not even about the way Kelley looked at her, but just in how Kelley _was_ during their conversations. Like it wasn't Emily's vulnerable spill of words that were precious, but somehow Emily herself.

It was Kelley who broke the moment, moving to tilt Emily's face up and stroke a warm thumb over her cheek.

"I'd love to start by kissing you, if that's alright?"

Emily stayed silent, the feeling of Kelley's palm against her face so new she couldn't process other thoughts for a minute.

“I don’t want to take advantage of you." Kelley continued. "We don’t have to do anything you don't want to. Or anything at all. We could re-watch Parks and Rec."

“I don’t want to take advantage of you either.” Emily replied. “You just had a breakup.” 

"I feel like," Kelley went slowly, choosing her words. "It's seeming to me like we're both pretty comfy with wanting to do stuff together today. And I think we're both doing a great job of taking care of each other. Things are always a little messy, no matter what. I've learned it's, like, how you navigate it - rather than magically having no mess at all - that matters, mostly."

"That sounds about right." Emily nodded, cheek soft and a little flushed against Kelley's palm. "Starting with kissing sounds really nice."

"Honestly, I kinda want to kiss through everything." Kelley said.

"Yeah" Emily said faintly. Kelley's hand against her face like this was a little overwhelming, even though she'd been thinking about it ever since those texts two weeks ago. "Yeah, kiss me."

Kelley tilted in, pressing a soft, still kiss to Emily's lips. It felt plush and easy and somehow almost quiet.

They drew apart, Emily whispering "Mm" as she opened her eyes. She thought she saw the smallest trace of smugness on Kelley's adorable face, but it flickered away - back to calm, warm, excitement - before she could comment.

Emily leaned in again and traced her nose against Kelley's before finding her lips. Kelley let her lead - soft dry pressing kisses until Emily let herself relax into it and suddenly everything felt lush. Kelley's lips were the softest thing, made even softer when she opened her mouth and Emily felt the warm push-pull of her breath.

They stayed like that, mouths soft and open, until Kelley pulled back just enough to whisper "you drive", and Emily realized suddenly that she had been waiting for the slide of Kelley's tongue - waiting for Kelley to take the lead. 

Emily groped up and found Kelley's shoulders, her neck, and pulled her close. Kelley's fingers were tangled in Emily's hair, already messing her up a little, and Emily smiled into it until she found Kelley's mouth. Then everything was warm and damp and - oh god - the slick heat of Kelley's mouth. The way Kelley opened to her, smoothed their tongues together before sucking her in. The way Kelley was absolutely following _Emily's_ rhythm, reacting to _Emily's_ movements but coming back just as strong. Emily sank into it, exploring until she had to break apart to breath before coming together again.

She'd never had the reins this early, never been _handed them_ this way. She wanted to do this for days - until she'd learned every corner of Kelley's mouth and every soft sound. 

But then she shifted, and her knee was knocking against Kelley's with nowhere to go. Arresting as the mental picture was of how they must look right now - necking on the sofa, shoulders and knees bumping with the urge to be close - the next logical step of swinging her leg across Kelley's lap made a mental image that was somehow too much, too overtly sexual, too . . . something.

She gave Kelley one more kiss, and then asked. "Shall we move to my bed?"


	3. Four Weeks Ago

Two weeks later it was Portland’s skyline they were gazing at. The game was tonight. Usually each team kept to themselves on game day, but Kelley had asked if she could bring Emily a coffee and check in, and which had turned into Emily offering to pick Kelley up from her hotel so they could talk somewhere out of the regular coffeeshop circuit of the other players.

“How are you doing, Em?” Kelley asked after a few blocks, slipping Emily’s coffee into the cup-holder so she could fiddle with her seat settings.

Emily made a non-committal noise, doing a more-thorough-than-usual shoulder check as she merged south on 405.

Kelley took a sip from her own cup, content to bide her time.

“I came out to Lindsay last week. And Sinc.” Emily finally said several minutes later, off the freeway now and winding up into the deep green of the west hills. 

“Wow!” Kelley said, before she could stop herself. She hadn’t expected Emily to move that fast.

“Yeah.” Emily’s was steering with the heel of her hand - familiar with the steep streets. “I didn’t really plan to with Sinc, but . . . I had a couple off-days in practice, processing and all, and she asked what was up. Talking to her was easier than I thought it would be - third time’s the charm, I guess.” Emily shot a small smile Kelley's way as she pulled into a parking space. “C’mon, let’s head up.”

They were on Council Crest, the slowly-waking city spread out below them. The silhouettes of Mount Hood and Mount St. Helens anchored the horizon line, still backlit by the early sun. Emily lead them to the paved area at the crown of the hill - carefully skirting the inlayed compass rose and settling on the stone wall that circled it. She swung her legs over to face the morning city, and Kelley set her coffee carefully on the uneven stone before doing the same. It was quiet up here - a few runners stretching out on the grass below them, but everything else muted and still kissed with dew in the early lemon-yellow light. 

Kelley drank in the view for a minute - admiring the glinting, snowy shoulders of the mountains - before asking “How’d it go with Lindsay?”

“It went fine. She was raised super liberal - I wasn’t really worried about acceptance and stuff. It was good, I guess”

It sounded like Emily was hedging about something. Kelley made an “Mm” sound and took a sip of her coffee, letting the silence sit.

“She said she wasn’t surprised.” Emily said after a minute. “It was . . . it made me wonder who else could see. . .” she trailed off, hunkering into her shoulders a little and digging at the sleeve on her coffee cup in a way that reminded Kelley of the beer bottle label.

“You’re worried other people might be reading you as queer?” Kelley asked.

“No. I mean, yeah . . . it depends, I guess.” Emily was still prying at her cup. “I know it wouldn’t be a problem with the national team or the Thorns. And Portland, well…” she laughed a little and Kelley joined. There was some magic to living and playing in such queer-friendly cities.

“At home, though.” she continued. “I want . . . I need that to be on my own terms.”

“Absolutely.” Kelley agreed. 

Emily stayed silent, still worrying her thumbnail against the cardboard sleeve.

After waiting a little, Kelley continued. “It’s hard back home, for me at least, not knowing whose gaydar is turned on. I must have read as pretty straight because all the folks in Peachtree were surprised, but it still . . “ she paused, looking for the words. “I felt like I was losing either way. Like either I was failing my family by not being honest about who I was, or failing them by not being what they wanted. And then there's all the kids - kids _now_ \- growing up there, who could've used a queer role model, but then there was everything I'd accomplished as an athlete suddenly being secondary to my sexuality . . . I felt really mixed up for a long time. I couldn't even tell what the right thing was . . if there even _was_ a right thing."

“Yeah . . yeah.” Emily agreed.

“Sorry. That was a lot." Kelley said.

"No, it's fine." Emily replied. "I kind of completely get it. It's sorta reassuring, knowing it was just as confusing for you."

"Well I'm glad my gay angst is reassuring, I guess?" Kelley gave a small laugh. "Really though, in my experience, people didn’t notice anything different about me unless they were looking for it - unless they knew to look for it. I think, I really hope, you'll be able to come out to them in your own time.

“Yeah, maybe now.” Emily scoffed.

“Mm?”

“A couple kids figured it out. Back in high school.” Emily said.

“Was that gaydar, do you think?” Kelley asked, “Or just all-purpose shittyness?

“I don’t know. They, um . . .” Emily let a long pause go by again before she continued. “They called me a dyke a lot. Said they were worried I’d stare at them in the locker room.” The sleeve on Emily’s coffee cup broke apart where she’d been peeling at the seam, and she set down her cup to hold the strip of cardboard instead - digging her thumbnails in to make little rows of half-moon imprints. “I stopped showering with my team in tenth grade. Even after away games. I'd ride the bus back home in my kit - god, it was so gross - to avoid changing near them and starting it all again. Geez, it’s all so stupid . . . “ she let out a huff. Kelley rested a hand between Emily's shoulder blades, rubbing soft circles while Emily collected her thoughts. “I ended up with these skin rashes from not getting clean after games, and from using so much deodorant to try and cover it up. My mom got so frustrated - she couldn’t figure out what the fuck was wrong with my skin, especially since my twin was fine.” Emily shook her head. “It’s stupid - other kids have it so, so much worse. I shouldn’t be carrying that around still.”

“But other people having it worse, that doesn’t magically make it not suck for you. It doesn't work like that, Em.” Kelley said gently, watching Emily’s profile for a while before adding, “I’m so sorry that happened with your team. I’m sad that sports wasn’t a safer place for you.”

Emily let her hands idle over the piece of cardboard she was holding. After a minute and let her gaze drift over the city. The sun was up enough to feel warm now, and the smell of the pine forest below them was drifting up.

“Soccer got a lot better once I was in college.” Emily said. “And the stuff that happened with those kids pretty much stayed at school, thank god. I _do_ feel like I’ll be able to come out to my family on my own terms, whenever the time for that is.”   
  
“How are you feeling about your friends from home?”

“I’ll probably lose a few. Those high school groups stayed pretty close-knit” Emily said. 

She said it with almost too much conviction, for not having broached the subject with anyone from home yet. But Kelley knew the feeling - she had watched her own high schooler's cliques trace well-worn paths - the AP friends group to Georgia State, so many of the military brats now serving or raising their own kids on base. Entire cohorts from her school re-grouping - this time in the same Mommy & Me classes. All while Kelley had spun away thousands of miles, on a different trajectory all together.

“You probably will lose some of them. And some might surprise you.” Kelley said, then asked “it sounds like you’re thinking about this a lot. Are you thinking about coming out in general?”

“I don’t know.” Emily replied. “I almost feel like I should - those kids growing up now, like you said. We’re not just role soccer role models . . ."

“I get that.” Kelley assured, as Emily seemed stuck again.

“I just . . .” Emily started working at the cardboard again, picking apart the layers until the neat edge was fanned out into something jagged and wobbly. “I know that gallons of ink have been spilled - or whatever the internet equivalent is - about whether identity is about how you _feel_ or what you _do_. And I genuinely . . . I  _ know  _ I’m gay, I feel it. There’s nothing ambiguous there. But I’ve never had a girlfriend. I kissed and made out with a couple girls the season I played in in Australia but I other than that I haven’t . . . I don’t know how I feel about coming out publicly before I’ve experienced that. Or figuring out how to have those experiences for the first time when I’m already a publicly queer face. Ya’know?”

Kelley’s hand was still on Emily’s back, and she started rubbing again, back and forth, feeling the sharp cut of Emily’s shoulder blades and the sleek bunched muscles along her spine as Emily held herself tense.

“That makes complete sense. Sonny, not coming out is also a totally valid option - you know that, right? It's nobody's business unless you choose it to be.”

Emily sighed, slumping suddenly so that she was leaning into Kelley.

“Thank you.” she said, and then lapsed into silence.

Kelley wrapped her arm around Emily, digging her fingers in a little to hold her close and feeling Emily relax against her by degrees.

“I’m getting stuck in my own head a lot.” Emily finally said.

“I can tell. Seems like an echo chamber in there!” Kelley said, with a little grin.

“Yeah.” Emily replied. “Like, a huge cave. There’s probably bats. Or, like, stalactites or something.”

“Mm-hm, tourists with hardhats and headlamps. Like at Carlsbad Caverns. Have you ever been there?”

“Ugh, I don’t want tourists in my head. What if they litter?"

"I knew it, Em! That's where your jokes come from. They're way too weird to be truly home-grown."

Emily shoved at her a little. "I do _not_ accept this hypothesis. My jokes are fucking awesome."

"Mmm-hm" Kelley poured it on a little thick, trying to sound as dubious as she could.

"Yes." Emily said decisively, sliding the frayed coffee sleeve into her empty cup and popping the lid back on. "Shall we head back? Your teammates are probably up."  


"Sure." Kelley agreed.


	4. Today (part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter to usher in the new year. Hoping for good things to come into focus in 2020 for all of you.

“What’s your body needing right now?” Kelley asked as they pulled apart - Emily resting back against her headboard, and Kelley propping herself up on an elbow. 

“Um, I mean, well. . . “ Emily was at a bit of a loss how to respond. Her eyes traced down to where Kelley's hoodie was riding up - where Emily's hands had been just a minute ago. 

“Oh, let's not go there just yet, Em. I’d like us to talk a little more first. I meant - I was wondering if you're sore. You played a rough game yesterday."

“Oh!” Emily flexed her feet experimentally, feeling the familiar zing of tight muscles but nothing out of the ordinary. “Um, yeah I’m kinda stiff, but it’s fine.”

“Mmm” was all Kelley said in reply.

Kelley shucked off her hoodie and socks, and joined Emily on the bed again in just her leggings and a soft tank top. She perched beside Emily’s hip and lifted Emily’s near leg - starting to guide her through the hip mobilization and stretching sequences familiar from years of sports massage. Emily immediately relaxed. Being touched this way was deeply familiar. It was nothing she and Kelley had done for each other before, but she knew what to expect from how Kelley was moving her leg. The next ten minutes, at least, would be for talking.

“So one thing I try to make a practice of” Kelley said, hands warm agains Emily's knee, “is safer sex and STIs and stuff. The transmission rates are statistically pretty low for the kinds of things we’re likely to get up to, but it still feels like a good practice, ya’know?”

Emily nodded, head flat on the bed. Of course this made sense to talk about, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to keep eye contact wit Kelley while they did.

“I get tested every year.” Kelley continued. “I’ve only had the one partner this past year.” Kelley smiled a little. That sweet/regretful look she got whenever the topic of her ex came up was one of the most reassuring parts of this whole thing, to Emily - the idea that Kelley could part ways and be fine, be sad, be fond.

“I just got tested,” Kelley continued, "everything was clear.”

“Ok.” Emily said. “Um, I didn’t think to do that. I’m sorry - that feels really rude now.”

“That’s ok.” Kelley reassured. Her hands guiding Emily's leg never paused. “I would’ve said something before it if was make or break.”

“I got tested regularly during college. In my, um . . . in my guys phase." Emily let her line of sight drift again. It still felt weird talking about sleeping with men with Kelley, even though it had never felt judgmental. “I haven’t done it as regularly as you but, um, I haven’t done anything since my last test, and everything was good then, so . . . oh, I did get the HPV vaccine . . . ”

“I got that too - I'm so glad they're doing that now." Kelley smiles, seemingly unruffled. "So, it sounds like we're in pretty similar spots with STI stuff. That's handy! How’d this leg feeling - shall I switch?”"

“Ok.” Emily said. She was struggling internally to let Kelley take care of her like this - especially since she knew it was only the start. But the touch was so grounding, and Kelley seemed like she wasn't expending too much effort - hands slow and gentle. Having something so familiar as the background for these kinds of conversations wasn’t something Emily had thought about at all before, but as she noticed how relaxed her body was, how as ease it felt, the two of them alone together in bed for the first time since deciding to do this, she realized that Kelley probably HAD thought about it.

“It does sounds like that stuff lines up.” Emily said. Deciding that, if she wasn’t going to do the physical work Kelley was doing, the least she could do was step up for some of the communication. “So, uh, do you prefer to use barriers for safer sex, or . . .”

“Mm!” The smile Kelley was gave her wasn't _quiiite_ the proud look of a mama duck whose duckling was learning to swim, but it was close. It was as if Kelley was saying _I see what you did, there. Welcome to the conversation, friend - let’s steer it together._ “I prefer not to. At least for fingers and mouths. That’s relatively low risk, and we’re both clean. And it’s not the same at all, not being able to taste...“

“Oh shit.” Emily blurted out, faster than she could think.

Kelley’s hands stilled on Emily’s leg, and she leaned up so they could look at each other. “We don’t need to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, Em.”

“No! No, it’s not that.” Emily reached to tuck a lock of Kelley’s hair behind her ear - she looked so concerned and so dear. “I just . . . I’ve been thinking about it so much, and thinking about _that_ \- about going down on you, and what it would be like, but it hadn’t occurred to me to wonder what you taste like. And now I really, _really_ want to know.”

Kelley lit up like a Christmas tree suddenly plugged in. “Ohh Em. We are going to have _so_ much fun.” She leaned away again, digging her thumbs into Emily’s quad muscle.

“Sooo,” Kelley continued, “I’m hearing that you’ve been thinking about some specific stuff. Are there particular things you’re interested in trying?”

“Yeah, um, oh geez . . . “ Emily pressed her palms to her cheeks - she could feel them going red. She took a deep breath and relaxed back onto the bed. Her ears were red too - there was no way Kelley wasn't seeing this. Emily had been thinking about this in general for years - and about Kelley, in particular, _so_ much recently. She wanted to show up for this conversation, she just was . . . so un-used to this. Especially now, with those strong, slight hands and square-tipped fingers running over her thigh.

She took another deep breath, looking for the words, but they felt stuck in her mouth.

“Em, babe, maybe I could name things and you could tell me yes or no?” Kelley said gently.

Emily relaxed. Grabbing a pillow to prop herself up so she could find eye contact with Kelley, and nodded. 

“Mm, fun!” Kelley said. Still gentle but with a tiny bit of playfulness teasing at the corners. “So it sounded like you’ve thought about going down on me. Is that something you’d like to try?”

Emily nodded - fast and urgent - until Kelley was fully smiling at her. 

“Awesome! That’s one of my favorites. How about me going down on you?”

Emily nodded again, then asked, “If you like that?”

“Oh yeah.” Kelley reassured, before dropping her gaze down to Emily’s ankle and rotating it carefully. “How about playing with my clit?”

“Mm-hm!”

“And putting your fingers inside me?”

“Mm-hm, _please_ yes.”

“Mmm! And those things for you?”

“Yeah. My clit’s really sensitive, I want to have an orgasm with your fingers there.” Emily said, almost before registering what she was saying. “I’ve done that. I mean, thinking about that. I’ve done it a lot.”

“Hmmm.” was all Kelley said. But she sounded bemused and a little smug and so, _so_ pleased.


	5. Three Weeks Ago

Kelley had asked to text with her.

Kelley never _asked_ to text. The messages just landed - often short and a little fractured. Emily had stopped trying to reply right away, years ago. Kelley would triple-text while the Thorns had practice, or send a meme from the east coast two hours before Emily woke up, or pick up a conversation thread after days of radio silence.

Emily'd had a crush on Kelley since the very start. Had felt it wax and wane over the years, had tended it carefully like a houseplant (always watered but always pruned). She had felt desolate the first time she watched Kelley slip into a relationship, then overwhelmed and relieved as she watched the ramifications first-hand. They'd been roommates that camp. It was as if Kelley wasn't there at all, but not because of this new girl. She'd spent most evenings on the phone with her brother, her girlfriend, her father, then her brother again. He was being promoted up a rank in the air force, and had chosen Kelley to do the pinning-on of his new insignia. She'd wanted to bring her girlfriend to the ceremony since there wouldn't be another chance for them to meet in person before he shipped back overseas, the extended family thought it was too soon, and her girlfriend was more doubtful by the day. Emily had spent evenings that camp feeling very young, and more grateful of about the simplicity of her singledom than she'd been since a U-18 camp got scheduled over her senior year prom.

She'd been careful with her crush, since then. Had learned to take joy in Kelley's happiness. There was something about watching Kelley or Pinoe come to camp with a twinkle in their eye and new stories about a girl. Just like there was something about watching how Ali rested her hand low on Ashlyn's back after a hard practice. It made her melt in a way that watching her friends with their boyfriends never did. She learned to find comfort in the watching - to take reassurance where she could find it.

But today, Kelley was asking. To text.

Emily tried to tell herself that it wasn’t related to their conversation on Kelley's balcony last month ago. She told herself that it would be the story of yet another mishap - some social faux pas on introducing her current girlfriend home to Georgia - something to help her stay realistic.

It was related.

But when Emily set her phone down, it wasn’t Georgia she was thinking about.

 **Kelley:** Heyo so I’m not sure how to say this, so imma just say it. 3 things, incoming:

 **Kelley:** Thing 1: My gf and I broke up 6 wks ago. It was mutual. She’s still awesome. She wasn’t comfy with the exposure after WC (totally validly) and I didn’t know how to shelter her from that but still date, ya’know? I’m gonna be a public face for a few more years.  
I’m doing ok. Sad a bit still (loving her was awesome) but I want what’s best for both of us.   
I was going to tell you that night at my place. Sorry I haven’t since then - was digesting some stuff (see next msg)  
  
**Kelley:** Thing 2: Sooo, I'm really fond of you. As a friend, but also you’re stinkin hot, Sonny. I’ve been a little sweet on you for mmmmmm ummmm years? But you never seemed that into anyone romantically so I minded my own beeswax

 **Kelley:** Thing 3: Wanna hook up? I’d love to give you the tour.

 **Kelley:** The ladypits tour, I mean

 **Kelley:** Lady PARTS - damnit autocorrect!!!

 **Kelley:** No hard feelings and TOTALLY no weirds if you don’t want to. Open offer - no strings. I’m totes here in friend mode no matter what. I’d love, love, love to show you ‘round, is all.

Emily set her phone facedown.

She dug her water bottle out of her practice bag and went to the kitchen to fill it. She drank half, in slow sips, leaning against the sink, before filling it up again and carefully lining up the threads of the lid so she could twist it on easily on the first try.

She walked slowly back to her phone.

She knew she needed to say something. Kelley tone was almost off-hand, but Emily could read into the vulnerability just beyond. Kelley had been so good at catching her, these past week. At somehow holding a soft and timeless place where Emily could feel safe while she fidgeted and spaced out and destroyed any paper-goods she could get her hands on and sifted through her brain, while she found the answers and the actions she hadn't been able to uncover quite as easily on her own.

She knew she needed to say something. That kind of support was a two-way street and, much as Kelley's idea would mean even _more_ support if Emily took her up on it, the offer had to have felt like a risk.

She knew she needed to say something. But she felt supremely unprepared to respond at all. 

She finally settled on the hardest punt of her life.

 **Sonny:** Thaaaaanks for telling me All The Things. I wasn’t expecting this, didn’t confide in you with any agenda except that DAYAMN you understand so well. But...thank you? And...gonna think and get back to you?

Emily set her phone facedown, took a sip from her water bottle, and set that down too.

She’d meant to nap about it. Emily had a solid track record of processing feelings while she slept. But as soon as her head hit the pillow all she could think about was Kelley's word choice _give you the tour_ and how Kelley’s temples always got sweaty during a hard practice until little damp tendrils of her hair would curl away. She thought about the feel of Kelley's arm slung across her back, about the phrase _stinkin' hot_ in her texts, and about Kelley’s shoulders and the way her muscles shifted when they hugged. She thought about Kelley’s hands - those strong, slight hands and square-tipped fingers - and her brain ran out of words.

Emily didn’t mean to think about it. Her fantasies were usually ambiguous - more sensation than interaction - but she thought about the offhand way Kelley wielded her sharpie during signings, popping the lid off one-handed, and she thought about those strong, slight hands and square-tipped fingers finessing a pen cap or spinning a soccer ball. Emily didn't mean to slide her own hand down, to slip it inside her underwear, but then she was thinking about the way Kelley would focus when Emily was spotting her in the gym - about her precision with the free weights and how the tiny muscles in her forearms flickered as she held steady - and Emily was thinking about what that focus would be like between her legs. And she was thinking, still, of those strong, slight hands, those square-tipped fingers as she worked her own fingers over her clit. She thought about Kelley’s patient, relaxed smile when they talked. About the way her eyes had flecks of green in direct sun. About how the porcelain-pale skin just beneath her lower lip turned into freckles piled on more freckles across her chin. Emily didn't mean to come. Not from just a few text messages, a couple of halting and overly raw conversations. But her clit was sending sparks now, winding her up so tight she could hear her own rough breath, until she knew she was about to tip over, felt her feet flex and her lung stop working, and she thought about Kelley's warm voice and those strong, slight hands as she flew over the edge of it, felt the the earth drop away leaving her suspended and floating for a long perfect moment before she drifted down.


	6. Today (part 3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: smut

Kelley's breasts. Oh god. The freckles just kissing the tops, the translucent skin and shadowy blue veins on their undersides. Her skin, in general. Miles of it, it seemed like, as Emily watched her slide her clothes off and rest back on the bed.

Looking at Kelley was like looking at a Picasso painting at first - the familiar pieces (her tanned knees and thighs, her strong hands) jumbled together with the utterly unfamiliar (her hand resting below the curve of her breast, those tan thighs fading to pale and leading up to shadowy warmth where they met).

It took a couple of minutes for Kelley to come together - to become one body, one whole, in a way that Emily could process at all.

But when Emily finally could, Kelley was looking at her - soft and patient and just the tiniest bit mischievous. 

And once Emily eased her own clothes off, pulling her hair in front of her shoulders self-consciously to cover herself a little, before noticing what she was doing and brushing it back, Kelley drew her down to the mattress.

"Come here?" Kelley invited, phrased almost as a question.

Emily rolled towards her, feeling on the precipice - bracing, almost, for how Kelley's body would feel against her own.

And then they were there, together, everything warm and silky soft. And as Kelley's arms went around her shoulders Emily felt the breath leave her with a rush, at just how  _ easy _ it was.

She slid a hand around Kelley's waist - drifted her fingertips over what still felt like miles of smooth skin, it felt almost like holding herself. The same soft skin over ropy muscles, the same slight build. She had felt petite next to her previous partners but with Kelley everything felt oddly familiar. She felt matched, even, equal.

They spent what felt like hours exploring. Not quite making out, but just discovering - the tendon by Kelley's hipbone that popped against Emily's palm when Kelley tangled their legs together, the feeling of Kelley's fingers tracing down her spine and awakening every tiny hair across Emily's back and arms - all of them yearn upright in response - the glisten of sweat between Kelley's breasts and its mild salt tang taste and the half-sigh half-moan Kelley gave as Emily set her mouth there.

Eventually Kelley laced their fingers and pulled her face away from Emily's neck just enough to find eye contact.

"I could keep doing exactly this for pretty much ever, babe." Kelley said. "Or I could move us along a bit. What would you like?"

She was calm, in this. Far calmer than Kelley on the field - which was still the Kelley Emily thought of when she thought of coaching, mentoring, the endless introduction of new moves and new ideas that characterized so much of their soccer life together. 

"Actually,  _ I _ want to move us along." Emily said - surprising herself a little, but utterly sure as soon as she heard herself say it. "I want . . . this hardly feels real, Kelley. I need to  _ see _ and, um, I want to feel how it  _ is _ to . . ." she gathered herself and took a breath. "May I fuck you, Kelley? And can I look while I do it?"

Kelley didn't answer with words, but her smile was instant and her eyes were hungry, and as she shifted her body Emily realized, in a breathtaking flash, that Kelley was spreading open her legs.

"Oh my god, Kelley, you're so slippery, you're like a runway.” Emily blurted. 

"Ok babe," Kelley laughed, "we're gonna work on your dirty talk later. Keep touching me like that though - that feels really good. What do you mean a runway?"

They'd ended up with Kelley splayed across the bed, and Emily kneeling across one of Kelley's thighs and bracing herself up with her free hand so that she could watch. Kelley's folds were like water ripples, like frills on a fancy cushion, like one of those goddamn Georgia O'Keefe paintings. Emily hadn't taken art appreciation since her first year of college, but she felt like she needed a refresher. She'd only just started to touch Kelley and already she was running low on metaphors. 

She ran her fingers up and around Kelley's clit and then down again, loving the slick skin and the endless shades of pink and the way her own fingers were already coated.

"Like I can slide all the way down and I could slide my fingers in if . . ."

"Yeah, you can. Here." Kelley eased her own hand down, guiding a little until two of Emily's fingertips slipped inside.

"Oh god. Oh  _ god, Kel _ . I'm literally inside you . . .I can't believe . .

Emily froze for a minute, eyes riveted.

"Are you ok babe?"

"Yeah, just . . . you're so warm, and - god - you're wet inside too and you're, it's so much." Emily rocked her fingers out, then in a little more. Still hesitant. The words were still flowing out of her - the wrong ones probably, but she couldn't edit right now, couldn't even process what she was saying before it was said. "The stakes never felt high with guys - I'd do whatever, because it didn't really matter. But this . . . your body's so pretty, and you get me so  _ so _ hot, like, I can feel how wet I am just from touching you. And, it's  _ you.  _ It's like everything matters times a hundred. And you feel amazing and I want it so bad and . . . I'm scared, Kel, this feels like so much . . ."

"Babe, baby." Kelley had pushed herself half to sitting, a strong arm around Emily's shoulders and a hand stroking through her messy hair. "Doing the thing you want is  _ so _ scary. It means a lot - of course it means a lot, babe. I get it. I'm here, babe, ok? And I'm here no matter what."

"I wanna . . . I want to make this worth it for you. . . wanna make you feel good. It matters, it  _ matters, so _ much to me." Emily pushed her face into Kelley's neck, breathing fast half from feeling overwhelmed but half from the delicious warmth of Kelley's moist heat around her fingers.

"You're so sweet, babe. . . so brave" Kelley reassured. "I promise, no matter whether we never do this again or we do it over and over, I'll do everything can to make sure you have no regrets, ok? That includes making sure both of us feel so,  _ so  _ good. I've gotcha, Em. I think we're both gonna have a  _ really  _ hot night, ok?"

"Oh, I know  _ that  _ for sure. You're  _ so _ hot, Kell" 

Kelley laughed and pulled Emily in for a kiss, easing them both down so Emily could lie beside her.

Emily's gaze tracked down to where her hand was buried between Kelley's legs, sinking her fingers farther in and starting to experiment again. They looked like a couple of greek statues tumbled together, she thought as she looked down the narrow valley between their bodies - everything pale curves and the lush press of skin.

"Mm, wow Kelley, all the textures." Emily murmured

"Mm, texture in there for sure. Press forward - against the bone." Kelley tilted her hips, a subtle guide.

" _ Fuck _ , so solid."

"Mm-hm" Kelley agreed. "Go up a bit. It should feel a little spongy."

"Oh shit, is that your g-spot?" Emily popped her head up, taking in the texture under her fingers and seeking out Kelley's face. "Am I . . . "

"Fuck!" Kelley grinned at her, a little wild. "Yeah, babe, like . . . beckon towards yourself right there. . .  _ fuck! _ " 

"Oh, oh my god, Kels . . ."

"Mm! Not so hard." Kelley eased her own hand down, calming the motion of Emily's wrist a little before leaving it to touch her own clit.

"Sorry, sorry - there. Oh wow." Emily matched her rhythm inside Kelley to the shifting motion of Kelley's hand.

Kelley wrapped her leg over Emily, hips moving almost helplessly. She was so responsive to Emily's fingers, her breath going ragged and her belly tensing every time Emily hit her g-spot. Emily was mesmerized, had run out of all possible metaphors, just trying desperately to soak into memory every movement and sound, every morsel of this weird combined feeling of carefulness and power, every moment of Kelley's chin tilted up like this, her mouth open and her back arching.

"You're so warm . . ." Emily whispered. 

"Babe," Kelley cut her off, clutching Emily's shoulder, her own fingers speeding over her clit, "babe, I'm gonna come."

"Oh fuck, oh,  _ oh  _ fuck . . ." was all Emily could say in return. She tried to keep her fingers soft and steady, but Kelley was arching against the bed now, grabbing at Emily with careless, needy hands and propelling both of them close enough to the edge of the mattress that all Emily could think of in that moment was keeping Kelley safe, keeping her anchored here, keeping firm in this sweet responsibility of keeping Kelley’s physical body from floating away to wherever orgasm had taken the rest of her.

And it was as if Kelley was gone for a moment - out of herself in that tense, tiny, breathless peak before she sagged, head still tipped back and eyes closed, but back here with Emily at least a little bit.

Kelley came down in stages, and Emily thought she was fonder of each one than she’d been of the last. Kelley with her breath still ragged, her fingers digging deep into Emily’s deltoid as if she’d forgotten to unlatch them. Kelley sighing, the tension shaking loose with each breath, little shakes and shivers as she settled back into her body, fingers soft - smoothing over Emily’s shoulder. Kelley making little whimpers and rooting her face into Emily’s neck, soft everywhere now and near-mindless in her search for closeness. Kelley cradling the base of Emily’s scull, whispering “You were so great, babe” and “that felt so good” against Emily’s mouth, back to herself and once again the anchor for this whole expedition.

They rested for a couple of minutes, after, Kelley cuddled close, Emily with her fingers still inside Kelley - warm and relaxed. Emily sighed eventually - sad the first round was over but so oddly, incredibly proud at the same time - and moved to slide them out.

Kelley gasped and clutched Emily's shoulder again, hard.

"Sorry! Are you ok?" Emily froze.

"Back in. Please?" Kelley begged, a little breathless. " _ So _ sensitive right now - just slide in slow."

Kelley guided her wrist, finding a slow gliding in and out.

Emily was heaving for breath, the act of it hitting her hard. She pushed Kelley fully onto her back and slid over so she could ride against Kelley's thigh as she pushed her fingers in, gasping along with Kelley as they slid deep.

"Still can't quite believe I'm fucking you. My god, Kels, being inside you like this . . . feeling your hips move from inside is so sexy.

Kelley was arching against the bed, making little grumble noises every time Emily paused.

"Keep going babe," she encouraged. "Just like that . . . keep going, you're gonna make me come again."

"I am? Ohh fuck,  _ I am _ . You're so hot, Kels. I love how you get tense little bits at a time. It's like I can just wind you right up . . . "

Emily breaths were faltering now. Kelley pulled out of her own arousal enough to notice the slickness across her thigh and the way Emily was grinding against it - mindless and messy. And Kelley knew where she wanted to take this. She wrapped her arms around Emily, flexing her thigh as she pulled her down hard.

“You like being in charge of my orgasms, huh babe?” Kelley asked, letting her breath play hot into Emily’s ear “You like how it feels, your fingers so deep inside me? Do you wanna give me another one?”

Emily was lost in it - working herself hard against Kelley’s thigh, fingers out of tempo now. Two more breaths and Emily was gone - over the edge, shaking through her own orgasm atop Kelley's body. Kelley steadied her there. Delighted to the point of smugness at the turn of events.

"Ohhh fuck.” Emily breathed, after a minute. “I think I just . . . got off on getting  _ you _ off. That, um, that is definitely a new one. Wow."

"Mm, you're not quite done yet,” Kelley murmured back. “I'm still close.

"Oh fuck yeah - wanna make you come so hard babe." Emily started again - an eager push-slide every stroke, finding just the pressure that made Kelley twitch, and then catch her breath, and then clutch at Emily’s back until she was trembling and working her hips up into Emily 's hand. They grabbed at each other, clingy and skin hungry with the high of it all, and in another minute Kelley was babble endearments against Emily’s hair until her words scattered and her back arched and she tensed hard as it hit her.

Emily couldn’t stop staring. Riding along Kelley’s hips as they tensed and twitched and finally settled. She loved the patterns she was starting to see - Kelley’s upturned chin, her breath somehow stuck in her lungs, the tiny noises as she came down after.    
  
Kelley blinked, finally coming back to earth and giving Emily a tiny smile once she was able to foucs

"That was . . . mm, thank you Em. That was  _ such  _ a fun ride. Was that what you were expecting?" Kelley asked, tucking Emily’s hair back where it was slipping over her shoulder - wildly messy now.

"It was . . . yeah, what I hoped, but  _ so  _ much more.

"Mmm.” Kelley was grinning at her now. “Do you like how it feels to fuck women?

"Um  _ yeah. So _ much. I love how  _ responsive _ you are, and how  _ wet _ everything got. Is that going to feel when you fuck me?"

"Mm, definitely. Maybe a little bit more though - I'm planning to go down on you while I get you off.

_ “Oh _ fuck, Kelley, oh  _ fuck _ !" Emily replied, her eyes lighting up. “Why am I so tired? Can we start now anyway?”


	7. Two Weeks Ago

**Sonny:** Your place maybe? After the game next week?

 **KO:** Nope :( I'm leaving for LA that pm - flying visit to Janice

 **KO:** I could come to pdx when you play Chicago

 **Sonny:** To watch?

 **Sonny:** Or . . . 

**KO:** To ravish you, Sonnett. To watch you beat the red stars AND to ravish you.

Emily clicked her phone off. She needed a minute. She'd always considered herself pretty good at banter, but she just . . . she couldn't respond to that from the produce section of the grocery store.

It always felt like she needed a minute, these days, when it came to Kelley. As patient as Kelley was in person - all well-timed "Mmm"s and quiet listening - it was like a switch had flipped this past week. Kelley seemed determined to get Sonny comfortable with come-ons through sheer frequency of exposure.

She tucked herself into a corner by the baking aisle, and pulled her phone back out.

 **Sonny:** That all sounds ravishing - it's a date!

 **KO:** !

 **Sonny:** Shit, was that ok? I meant day date, not date date

 **KO:** ;)

 **KO:** Em. You're fine.

 **KO:** I'm having fun flirting with you here.

 **KO:** Like, officially flirting.

 **KO:** Condoned flirting.

 **KO:** That ok?

 **Sonny:** Very ok.

 **Sonny:** Ummm so I've been noticing that I'm not very good at flirting back?

 **Sonny:** Which feels weird.

 **KO:** Hmmmm so maybe some more practice would help?

 **Sonny:** lol, excited to try! Just . . . please know it's fine with me even if I don't flirt back?

 **KO:** Of course :)

Last week, after her naptime-turned-masturbation-time, she'd texted back a yes to Kelley's proposition. A yes and a please. And she'd gotten off again as soon as she'd hit Send.

But the idea was still settling.

She found herself thinking of Kelley's body. Of the pale backs of her knees, the angle of her ear lobes, the freckles on the nape of her neck. She could only think of Kelley in pieces - couldn't reconcile her into a single whole, couldn't imagine Kelley's body beside her own.

But she wanted to imagine. Wanted to _know_ what it would be like. And knowing that she _would_ know was as boggling as it was delicious. Every day she thought about Kelley's hands - those strong, slight hands and square-tipped fingers - and every time she felt her body flush.

Kelley was a beast on the field in Utah the next weekend. And Emily sort of was too, in her own way. A couple times, waiting on throw-ins, Emily caught Kelley looking at her - eyes piercing, body language so fierce she looked about ready to eat someone, but her mouth quirked up a little, soft in a way Emily rarely saw when Kelley was in game face.

Kelley hugged her hard after the final whistle. Emily just barely caught Kelley's "Good game - proud of you", she was so focused on the heat radiating off Kelley's thighs against he own, the solidity of her back under Emily's hands, the way their chests felt pressed together and still breathing hard.

"Thanks. You too." Emily managed. And Kelley's satisfied hum vibrated close against her ear, before Vero yelled something from where the Royals were huddling and Kelley flashed a smile and was gone.

They caught a few minutes outside, before the Thorns boarded their bus, Emily's team duffle tossed haphazard against Kelley's suitcase already packed for LA. Kelley had pulled her into a recess in the stadium wall, everything muffled and quiet between the tall cinderblock walls. Kelley cupped Emily's face in her hands, looking fond and a little searching. "It's so good to see you," Kelley said, smoothing Emily's cheeks with her thumbs, "it's always good, but . . . I guess private just feels extra good for me right now. I wanted to hug you longer, out there."

Emily nodded. She could feel the extra pressure of Kelley's thumbs as she smiled into the touch. She wanted to sway her body forward, connect more, like they had on the field, but the thought of it was overwhelming. She let herself relax into Kelley's gaze, breath in the woodsy smell of her shampoo.

"How are you?" Kelley asked. "How is . . . how is _this_ , being in person, now that we've talked about . . ."

"It's good!" Emily assured her. "I'm good. I'm . . . I'm still getting used to it. I'm used to wanting and squelching that down, you know? It's weird to . . ." she ran out of words so brought her hand up instead, gently tracing over Kelley's fingers where they framed her face.

"Mm." Kelley replied. 

They stayed quiet together for a minute - breathing matching up, falling out of sync, then finding it again.

"I remember that being weird." Kelley said, finally. "That change from wanting an it not mattering . . . like, the feelings being genuine but still not something that could be real, ya'know? To then wanting and it being allowed, being a thing that could actually happen." Emily nodded as Kelley continued. "Both of those ways of feeling were so real . . . so factual. Which is weird, because they're almost complete opposites, but . . . I don't know, I just . . . I remember how that was, is all."

"Yeah, that sounds about right." Emily agreed, leaning into Kelley's hand. 

There was a shout from beyond the stadium wall - Emily's team this time, grouping up for the trip back to their hotel.

"I should go." Emily said. "I wish we had more time."

"Me too." Kelley agreed. "I'll see you in Portland, ok? If you have anything you wanna talk about before then . . ." she wiggled her eyebrows.

"Oh. My god." Emily laughed. "Please _never_ do that again. I have _never_ seen you look that sketchy Kels!"

They were both laughing as they stepped back and grabbed their bags.

And Emily was settled on the bus and already on the highway before she notice the warm glow deep in her chest - some mixture of excitement and reassurance. And now, suddenly, even though Kelley had only touched her face, she could imagine their bodies together much more clearly.

**Author's Note:**

> Conversations in the comments are my utter joy. Or come find me @run-of-play on Tumblr. Tell me how you _feeeeeel!!!_


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